I feel the need to express positive things about the man I am so passionate about, today. If, as I'm sure will be the case, I have need to be reminded of why I choose to continue to battle the disease of addiction in myself and my husband. Why do I choose to battle with no weapons and no armor?
He is a good man who makes horrible decisions at all the wrong times.
If I give up on him before the miracle of recovery happens, who will be there as witness?
I don't owe him a damn thing!
I owe it to myself to be able to say that I did everything I could, within my power, before I leave him to his own devices.
He has never, ever made the decision to give up on me. (but again, I owe him nothing)
I can NOT work a program of recovery FOR him. I can only show him how I work for my own recovery.
There are a great many things that I feel passionate about, but none of them are as great as him.
His moments of clarity and connection are beautiful, powerful, and all that I have ever wanted to share with him. They are the stuff my dreams are made of.
Today, I have strength and love, hope and faith in the universe. But there will be days ahead that I will need to read this again and again and remember the feeling behind this decision that I get to make every day.