I am not doing well

So, I'm not doing what I am supposed to do.  I have forgotten about refilling my antidepressants yet again.  I have missed all of the doses I was supposed to take since Sunday night.  I am finally starting to feel the effects of these missed meds.  This is what happens when I think everything is getting better.  I self sabotage and pick up the same old bat and beat me up again.  I think I'm my own worst abuser.  Never have I ever,  let someone else treat me like I treat myself.  Never have I ever,  let someone else say the things that I say to me.  Never have I ever,  let anyone or anything defeat me like I defeat myself.  I'm tired of the inner struggle with me and my own will to die.   Where is my will to live? Why does it not show itself until I have given up on me for the hundredth time? I'm not done fighting, but I am just so tired of it.

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