So, I'm not doing what I am supposed to do. I have forgotten about refilling my antidepressants yet again. I have missed all of the doses I was supposed to take since Sunday night. I am finally starting to feel the effects of these missed meds. This is what happens when I think everything is getting better. I self sabotage and pick up the same old bat and beat me up again. I think I'm my own worst abuser. Never have I ever, let someone else treat me like I treat myself. Never have I ever, let someone else say the things that I say to me. Never have I ever, let anyone or anything defeat me like I defeat myself. I'm tired of the inner struggle with me and my own will to die. Where is my will to live? Why does it not show itself until I have given up on me for the hundredth time? I'm not done fighting, but I am just so tired of it.